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"I'll kick you with the back of mah BOOT!"
―Princeton's catchphrase[src]

Princeton Quagmire was a sheriff and former member of the Acachalla Gang. He was a 65-year-old man that lived in the 19th century in an old western town. He is quite wise and is a skilled marksman and sheriff. Princeton Quagmire has dropped out of preschool, died when he was shot by a foreign boy in the town, and is in some of the Murder videos.

He later came Back from the Dead and started a TV show about being an exterminator. During one of his outings as an exterminator he went to an unnamed woman's house to kill Scrat from Ice age only to find the house had been invaded by not just ordinary squirrels, but Lettuce Squirrels. He died and his ghost nuked all the squirrels and erased all squirrels from the universe.

Again coming back from the dead, Princeton lived in a town where he cared deeply for everyone who lived there. When everyone died, he became depressed, dying after seeing the town fade away from reality while driving his boulder.

Personality and traits[]

Quagmire is peaceful most of the time but gets frustrated and angry easily. He is constantly saying " I'LL KICK YOU WITH THE BACK OF MY BOOT!!!"

Princeton has always been authoritative, especially in life-threatening situations. Often taking charge as the leader by means of both his weapon and his role as a sheriff. He thinks very highly of himself, often bragging about past accomplishments and or titles of his.

Princeton is very prone to holding grudges. Hunting down folks like Papa Acachalla and declaring him an arch nemesis after sixty years of silence between them. It took quite some time for Princeton to let his guard down when meeting Kermit the Shaw. This stubbornness is what allows Princeton to persist on even after death.

When not working, Princeton's more elderly side is shown. Constantly depressed about how everyone he's ever cared about is dead. He likes to avoid people and often gets distracted, and recluses himself in his home.

He really likes dump trucks and hates squirrels.


Quagmire carries a Winchester Rifle, Magnum, Sonic Screwdriver, and flies a TARDIS.

Princeton quagmire by afellowadventurer-d7cnmux.png


Papa Acachalla[]

Princeton's relationship with Papa Acachalla is somewhat complex. Due to them never interacting with one another on camera, each person's view on the other is the closest thing to ground hard evidence. During the times of the old west, Papa considered Princeton to be an old friend, but Princeton in modern times sees Papa as a crook as well as his long-time nemesis. These contradictions can be explained either by the lapse of time between these two statements as a lot can happen in about 200 years, or perhaps as a sort of frenemy relationship.

Maxwell Acachalla[]

These two hold great disdain towards one another in a sort of cops and robbers fashion. Little can be said as neither meet too often, but he mentions that he captured Maxwell once in episode 11 of murder.

Kermit the Claw[]

Though the episode in which claw/shaw appeared in was mostly a dream, it can be assumed the relationship between them was portrayed accurately.

Out of all the conniving fiends Princeton faced, Kermit was one of the worst. Described by Princeton as a cruel, traitorous bounty hunter, Quagmire held great disdain both for his sadistic crimes and claw's ability to always best him in encounters.

With this said, it is understandable that decades after seeing one another, Princeton beat a seemingly reformed Kermit the Shaw senseless upon him visiting his town. When eventually realizing shaw's supposed harmlessness, Princeton seemed disappointed even allowing Kermit to attempt to attack, only to once again be annoyed at his old nemesis' artificial incompetence. Eventually, Princeton did let his guard down, only for the delusional bounty hunter to show his true nature and completely overwhelm Princeton.

Whether a real experience or not, this shows Kermit's patents and endurance. Since the whole time, he could have bested quagmire, this showed that Claw took great joy in tricking Princeton before beating him, making his failure all the more complete.

Jimmy Casket/Johnny Ghost[]

In episode 11 of Murder Princeton Quagmire turned into Jimmy Casket out of nowhere and shot someone, meaning he might be a personality of Gregory, though some people think Jimmy may have just been possessing him like he did with Vahl and Cywren.

Princess Quagsire[]

Princess Quagsire was a woman who acted like a female counterpart to Princeton. She claimed to be Princeton's daughter but he insisted he never had any children. He found her very annoying and she was later killed by Jimmy Casket.


  • He says he is from the future and the past. It is unknown if this is true. However, he has mentioned things popular in the future, such as french fries. 
  • It is unknown what the true relationship between Princeton and Papa Acachalla is because Papa claimed they were old friends but Princeton said Acachalla was his arch nemesis. They could be frenemies.
  • He is tall for a cowboy. He's 6 feet 4 inches and weighs 240 pounds. 
  • he owns a highly destructive bulldozer.
  • He came back from the dead, just to shoot the boy who killed him (although, many other characters have came back from the dead for worse/no reason[s]).
  • Princeton claims that he is the quickest gun in the West and the East. Though his accuracy is no greater than most.
  • Apparently Kermit the Frog is not allowed within 100 miles of Quagmire due to a failed heist. Kermit the Claw later returned to Quagmire's town under the name Kermit the Shaw, apparently with the intentions of burying the hatchet; however, this was revealed to be a ruse; they gunfought and Kermit killed Quagmire. This, in turn was revealed to be a fantasy within Kermit's mind; Quagmire had, in fact, been dead for 120 years.


  • "I'll kick you with the back of mah BOOT".
  • "Get out of my face never wanna see you agaaaain."
  • "My Name is Princeton Quagmire, Fastest Gun in The West, OR the East."
  • "Princeton Quagmirrre!"
  • "It seems like somebody might be up for murder!"
  • "I've been tracking your kind for twelve days up the South Texas Pass. I'm gonna out ya up the pass, if ya know what I mean!"
  • "You see?! Princeton Quagmire is the greatest detective to ever walk this green earth!"
  • "I keep the beat, and then I drop the base, if you know what I mean."
  • "I'm the law in this town."