- "I'm Officer Maloney. I was such a good cop, but then I went bad... went evil... tried to rob a place as a harpoon salesman..."
- ―Officer Maloney contemplating his existence
Officer James Charles Bradston Branston Donald Branston Johnson Mina Maloney (commonly referred to as Officer Maloney) is a police officer who appears regularly in Gmod videos. He wears a police uniform, and is known to own a squirt gun and a bubble gun, as his right to carry actual weapons was revoked by the police force. He is also revealed to be a bird-alien hybrid in the Squirt Gun Mod video. He grew up in Malaysia and was a part of the VenturianTale Character Tournament in 2014.
It is revealed in VenturianMail 23 that Maloney has an Asian brother who may be the son of his adopted parents, since he grew up in Malaysia. His real father is Gregory.Gregory.
It appears Maloney has finally been able to use legitimate firearms on a regular basis. Whether his superiors allow this or not is unknown.
In the 2014 Thanksgiving special, Officer Maloney died. He sacrificed himself to restore reality and deactivate the portal to the 13th Dimension. The impact of both dimensions converging seemingly disintegrated him (though it was later revealed he survived and became a villain).
In Maloney's absence, Higgilydiggilyhoogan (and all of his clones) had become the enforcers of the law in Butts, N.C. This new police force forced the Acachallas to move into Officer Maloney's old home, but as he has since been revealed to be alive, the Acachalla's have moved back to their old house.
- 1 Biography
- 2 Appearance
- 3 Personality
- 4 Relationships
- 5 Quotes
- 6 Trivia
Maloney was a member of the Bird race travelling to Earth on a spaceship with his father, Gregory.Gregory. However, the spaceship crashed and Maloney fell out and ended up becoming adopted by a couple from Malaysia, where he would grow up with his adoptive brother. Gregory, however, and his people never stopped looking for him and spent the 20 intervening years between their next meeting searching for him.
Joining the Police
During Maloney's early years as a cop and detective, he was deemed far too incompetent to wield an actual firearm, and instead used bubble and squirt guns. During this time, Officer Maloney had went on adventures in his small town, stealing a table from Shop, running over a woman for standing in the middle of the street, and going to an animal store with an abusive owner, who he eventually killed as well.
The FBI Years
Somehow Maloney become an FBI agent and was given legitimate weaponry. One of his missions being to obtain The Floating Gun of the Aztecs, but after one of his teammates became a unicorn after touching the gun Maloney and the other agent were overwhelmed. After 12 days of battle, Maloney eventually killed the unicorn, at the cost of his men and his sanity.
Maloney was sent to Gregory.Gregory's retirement island, armed with a taser, to investigate possible illegal activities. Maloney found Gregory's manner suspicious and frequently subjected him to a taser. Gregory showed him around the island in order to rebuke the allegations, but piqued his curiosity by telling him not to go in the only normal-looking house on the entire island. Despite this, Maloney broke into the house and discovered scanning equipment, which Gregory insisted was for tracking mole-rats. Eventually, Gregory was forced to reveal the truth about himself and Maloney: The tracking station was used to track down Maloney in order to bring him back to his real father. Gregory proved himself by transforming into a bird, and father and son.
However, at some point after this, Gregory died re-entering Earth's atmosphere, presumably to "take him home". His death sent Maloney into grief at the very mention of it.
On Thanksgiving 2014, despite being drunk on gravy, Maloney was still on the job and had to go on a call to the Acachalla residence. Once there, Maloney was immediately attacked by a gigantic chicken but fended it of. Informed that a breach between the 13th dimension and earth had been created, Maloney and the others came to Spencer for assistance. Told that the only way to close the breach was for a legendary earth bird to bind the ripple in reality. Maloney bravely volunteered just as the situation was becoming uncontrollable, but was crushed by the force of the two dimensions colliding.
Maloney's death was taken to be legitimate by most of the characters, with the Acachalla family moving into Maloney's old home (albeit temporarily), and Higgilydiggilyhoogan taking the role of the law in Butts, North California.
It was eventually revealed that Maloney had come Back from the Dead, but was stranded in the 13th Dimension for quite a time. When Maloney noticed an asteroid heading to Earth with a house on it, he boarded the rock and insisted the residents of the rock, the Alternate Acachalla Family, should abandon their home to survive. However Mary the puppet did not see his reasoning and killed Maloney shortly after his arrival. It was revealed that the meteor was never going to hit Earth, and it can be presumed the Officer respawned on Earth. Since that time he has become less of a heroic figure and more of an authority figure involved in police raids on characters at random times, and then dying for various reasons.
Maloney was among Venturian's Champions sent to face off Baymax in the 7-11. Maloney was called in after Papa Acachalla was defeated (and quite possibly killed); After seeing how much weirdness was going on at the 7-11, he arrested himself and left it to PIE.
Maloney briefly returned in the HOMELESS OLD CHICA!! | Gmod Five Nights At Freddy's Nightmare Chica (Garry's Mod) video. He randomly appeared in an internet café to arrest Chica for not peeing. However, he had a heart attack from eating too many burgers and died once again.
Maloney was one of the police officers present at the stakeout in the FUNNIEST 4 PLAYER GAME EVER!! - Gmod Guess Who Gamemode (Garry's Mod) video. In the video, he chased down a worker named Johnson, who was shot by another police officer. He then decided to take out the trash, only to find it phasing through the floor. He promptly announced "Containment Breach" and tried to solve the problem by stuffing a microwave in the bin. It didn't work, and Maloney played "The Last Post" for the microwave. He then continued to pester Chell in an attempt to chat her up, and failed once again.
As part of a fan request for the "Put the Cash Money in the Bag" game mode, Officer Maloney was shown living in a new house he crafted on his own from caravan paneling on a small island in a shifty neighborhood where old men peek in the windows. A strange old man was sneaking around the outside of his house and when he went out to investigate the old man ran into his kitchen. When confronted, he claimed he merely wanted a drink of milk, took it and ran out. Whilst Maloney contemplated getting a padlock, the old man broke into his house again and ran up his stairs into his balcony, claiming he needed "to drink [his] drink in a nice location". He then tried to lock the door to stop the man from getting in, but went downstairs to investigate some noises and discovered the downstairs walls being demolished whilst the old man escaped with all his money He then seemingly went mad trying to lock his door and added ropes and thrusters to a junker he was using to block the entrance. The thrusters fired off, crushing him under the weight of the junker and taking out several more walls, the balcony, and part of the roof. When the junker seemingly got stuck, he dared the old man to stay in the living room; however, the old man tried to go up to the junker to drive it and was seemingly killed.
Later, however, the house had been repaired and the junker removed, and Maloney had to break back into the house to get a "really drunk" Johnny Toast using only a harpoon. First, he tries explaining that he used to be a police officer, but the man closes the door before he can finish and told to "get out of [the old man's] life".
This happens again, but on the third attempt, he successfully gets his foot in the door and finishes his sentence, saying that he is now a harpoonist. The old man, believing it to be an instrument, asks Maloney to demonstrate; Maloney throws a harpoon and knocks the microwave TV off the counter. He then tries to get the man to buy a harpoon by throwing a harpoon at a gold brick. A turkey jumps out of the harpooned gold bar and attacks them. Whilst the old man is distracted by trying to kill it, Maloney grabs Toast and tries to escape. Chaos ensues as drunk Toast, pulled around by a panicking Maloney being chased by an old man with a gun who is trying to kill the turkey, smashes through several walls and ends up killing the headcrab himself and going off to the sea. Maloney continues shouting "I can explain, I can explain!" and dashes out of the house after Toast whilst the old man reloads his gun. Maloney loses grip on Toast whilst fleeing the man's bullets and Toast falls in the drink. Maloney dives in after him to save him.
Sometime later, his house once again restored, he contemplated his own existence when a pizza delivery man arrived and tried to use his window as a drive-through (though Maloney found that the window was bullet-proof). He now kept "a Johnny Ghost life-size action figure with karate-chop action", and between him trying to get it out of the window and the man driving full-speed at his house, managed to destroy the side wall once again, before becoming embedded in Maloney's front door. He then realized the pizza man was, in fact, the same old guy come to steal his life-size "Toastie". He shot and killed the man but lost the "Toastie" in the process, as they both fell in the water.
Later, "a little girl" (the old man) was in the house whilst a "delivery man" (Maloney) arrived with a "delivery" (several tank shells) in his "delivery van" (a tank). He started destroying the house but accidentally drove off the end of the pier. Having failed, the "delivery man" then left a timed C4 explosive on the front door and killed the "girl". It then started raining Maloney's. He then realizes that he is, in fact, the 49th clone of Officer Maloney (the other 48 having been killed by the old man. He then leaves another bomb for the man but the man throws it out before it explodes. His final attempt is to call an orbital strike on the house, which successfully kills the old man, but amazingly leaves 70% of the house intact. Finally giving up as the man comes back, he shouts "PUT THE CASH MONEY IN THE BAG!" and fires a nuke at the house, obliterating everything. They then start rebuilding the house (the frame being left intact) from his dead bodies. He then shoots the man in the head with an SMG and escapes.
He later attended Billy Acachalla's pool party in bird form, where he was murdered in cold blood by Papa Acachalla.
He later showed up at Best Buy after he had gotten a call saying someone was robbing it. He got there only to find Johnny Ghost and Johnny Toast, who showed him to the crime scene where they killed him with an energy blast that vaporized him.
Maloney enlisted the help of Rebel Sally against Turtleson the Turtle, the most dangerous criminal known to man.
Promotion and Dead Again
Maloney was promoted to Chief of Police and went on an assignment with two other officers, Officer Fields, and Officer Frappuccino to investigate strange noises coming from the basement of a grocery store and find zombies and a dead body in a cage. Officer Frappuccino turns out to be the same person as Gregory Frapuccino, an Officer who was taken off the force after the death of his partner, who it is revealed he murdered. Frapuccino seemingly kills Officer Fields after he kills a SWAT team member in self-defense. Maloney and Frapuccino then fight off more zombies but Maloney dies from the zombie and Frappuccino locks Fields in a cage in a locked-off area of the basement. Maloney's SOS he sent before dying reached Johnny Ghost and Chris "Colon" Ghostie of PIE.
Maloney has since returned quite unceremoniously, inexplicably reappearing in videos like nothing happened. He has been seen doing his normal routine police work with another officer named Officer Starbucks. One of these cases involved investigating the death of Johnny Ghost at a store run by Carl Wheezer and Josh. The body was soon discovered to be fake and Officer Starbucks nuked the store, killing everyone. Maloney later appeared in Sweden (he thought it was Germany) to investigate the theft of Darth Kermit's car. It was later revealed that Kermit had faked having his car stolen and called the cops because of the voices in his head. After a chase, Maloney ended up taking Kermit's gun and arresting him but ended up having to kill him in front of his son when he pulled out another gun.
Human Fall Flat
Sometime later he ended up arresting three people for possibly being macaroni thieves. These people were Cierra, Bethany, and Alexotter Ninjalton. When they tried to escape prison he tried to stop them but accidentally ended up helping them instead. at the end, he caught the macaroni thief (Bethany) in a cage.
In a 2013 episode, Maloney was spotted in a prison on Mars in the future guarding Spencer and Stardust Sprinkleshine. The prisoners led an insurrection and took over the prison, taking Maloney hostage and locking him in his office. They still couldn't escape, however, as there was no way to leave the prison until a means of transport arrived.
Maloney wears a police officer hat, jacket, and shirt. He has a blue jacket and blue pants. He also is seen carrying a revolver, a squirt gun, and a taser. He was once an FBI agent and can transform into a bird, specifically a black crow with a stiff stance.
He is a law enforcement officer from the city of Lawtown, North Dakota. He is efficient and level-headed, even if he can be a bit prone to making mistakes. He doesn't show fear towards suspects even if he is forced to use a squirt gun. However, the "I'm a Bird" song by Cierra Frye made him speechless. Upon listening to the "I'm a Bird" song by Cierra, the lyrics were powerful enough to unearth a hidden ability in his DNA. Since that point, he has been able to transform into a large black bird. Upon further inspection of his DNA, one can find traces of a mysterious and strange avian species from beyond the stars. He cannot usually be trusted with active firearms. In his earlier years as a policeman, he was forced to use a bubble gun. Luckily for him, he became trustworthy enough for an upgrade to a squirt gun. Unfortunately, he is bad at his job, which later causes his untimely demise.
By his own admission, he is a "bad cop" both within terms of efficiently and moral stance. Especially now when he has resorted to a life of crime.
Gregory.Gregory is Maloney's father. He helped Maloney realize his powers to turn into a bird. He is also known to have been Sally Acachalla's great uncle, making Sally and Maloney, first cousins once removed.
Johnny and Maloney have interacted a couple of times.
Officer Maloney's wife
Maloney's wife can also transform into a bird. It is implied they met during an investigation.
Sloppy Joe considers Maloney a young troublemaker and tries to shoot him with a shotgun, and also caused his car to disappear in a lightning shower. This negative attitude towards Maloney derives from the officer implying that he would steal his cash register.
Officer Baloney was Maloney's temporary replacement when he was killed in his first assignment. How he came back from the Dead is unknown.
The Acachalla Family
Maloney regarded the Acachalla family with a manner of distrust, even though Sally is his cousin, though he may not know they are related to him, he always believes (rightly) that they are up to something, although he later went in to share mutual admiration and respect for the family. The Acachalla's lived in his house for a while after their previous house was air bombed by Higgilydiggilyhoogan.
Papa Acachalla has interacted with Maloney a couple of times.
Gertrude has interacted with Maloney a couple of times.
Sally is Maloney's cousin but he doesn't know it.
Billy has interacted with Maloney a couple of times.
They have interacted a couple of times
It is not known how the two are related each other, or even if they are aware of each other; seemingly the only connection between the two would be the shared surname, the similar personalities, and the fact that they are both completely incompetent. It is possible that Captain Maloney is either an alternate version of Officer Maloney or a descendant of him.
Shinogami is Maloney's adoptive younger brother, they have never interacted in a video but it is assumed they are close.
It is unknown whether Shinogami's nephew is Maloney's son or the child of a third unnamed sibling.
Darth Kermit 
He is the killer of Officer Maloney. He caused the whole " Kermit Dead ". This is Not canon or is it
- "Right, likely story... or IT COULD BE... Something evil."
- (on being asked to have spit smeared on his face to get into the InGen building) "Sure thing, sounds good."
- "My name is Officer Maloney."
- "You are under arrest!"
- "The only reason they gave it to me, is because I'm so good at my job."
- "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING UP MY DEAD PARENTS!?"
- "I won't lie to you, I have been drinking a little..."
- "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (last words)
- "Freeze, this is the police!"
- Officer Maloney is one of only 3 characters to have been played by all 4 Frye siblings (the others being Johnny Toast and Papa Acachalla).
- At first, Maloney was a police officer, then an FBI agent, and then he was revealed to be a bird. He "waddled" away with a fellow bird into the sunset. He was absent for a long time since the Squirt Gun mod video, but appeared elsewhere, meaning he transformed back into Maloney.
- Ever since he had gained the ability to transform into a bird, he has been eating bird seeds at home and does not know that the strange bird with which he walked into the sunset may be the cause of this incident at his own home and now he owns two houses. The first house is on a house and now has a wife which is a bird (he does not know it). The second house is just a normal house that from the inside may look like crazy and sometimes it looks like just a normal house that has a small house (it is a birdhouse for small/young birds that don't know how to fly) inside a proper house.
- He might have some relation and/or be the same person as Captain Maloney.
- In the Gmod Zoroark Pokemon episode, Mr. No was seemingly keeping him captive. In fact, he had been brought there for Suzie's wedding as they are both the same species.
- In the TERRIBLE POLICE OFFICERS! Gmod Police Car mod video, it is revealed that on his birthday, his mother made him a cake made of Baloney and ketchup.
- In that same episode, he was killed by Saw Blades in a hospital. This also caused Golden Freddy's death.
- He was called in HAPPY THANKSGIVING! The VenturianTale Thanksgiving Special (Garry Mod) by Gertrude to get rid of a problem, but later he found out that he wasn't needed.
- He died in the thanksgiving special somehow even though he died before, this is likely because of the lack of continuity in Gmod episodes or having the ability to come back from the dead.
- He claimed in the Thanksgiving special his father was from the planet of birds and went to earth to get him but was killed on re-entry, which traumatized him severely and caused him to burst into tears when his alien/bird heritage was brought up.
- He has an ex-girlfriend.
- Maloney does have an affection for Chell, as he has hit on her whenever possible.
- The Acachalla family move into his house in the Bugs Bunny Mod. The house is infested with Bugs Bunnies, is covered in bird poop and has birds in the cupboards who are apparently his children. Interestingly he is stated as having allowed the Acachalla's to stay in the house whilst he is "out of town", despite being killed in the 2014 Thanksgiving Episode.
- Maloney's father, Gregory.Gregory, is Sally's great uncle, making them first cousins once removed, explaining why he let the Acachallas live at his house.
- His first name and one of his middle initials were revealed to be Charles and M.
- He was then revealed to have a bunch of middle names in the next episode.