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Toast and casket by sylargrimm-d88z1zu.png

This is a fan fiction depicting the P.I.E. team investigating a lead involving the Toilet Toucher, any information in this article is not real unless said so by the Venturiantale team. Art credit goes to SylarGrimm on DeviantArt.

A battered white van sailed down a long, empty road, farmland either side, the setting sun behind it. On the side of the van read P.I.E. Paranormal investigators Extraordinaires, and inside were the paranormal investigators, Johnny Ghost and Johnny Toast. Ghost was driving, his face held a stern expression as if he was concentrating very hard on something, his right hand was on the wheel, his left hand was clenched into a tight fist of his thigh, and his left leg was bouncing. In the passenger seat was his english partner, Toast, who was checking, double-checking, and triple-checking all their leads on his laptop to make sure they were correct.

“You shouldn’t have come, Johnny” Ghost muttered, keeping his eyes on the road. Toast looks over and said    

“If these leads are correct, sir, then we have a good shot at taking down the Toilet Toucher, and if everything you told me about him is true, then you’ll need all the help you can get.” Ghost shook his head.

“You’re a rookie, Toast, and the Toilet Toucher is big game.” Ghost insisted.

“In what way am I a rookie, sir? I’ve been hunting the paranormal since we were children, same as you! Along side you, in fact.”

“That was little kid stuff! P.I.E. is a new organisation and while I’ve freelanced and chased the Toilet Toucher for a few months now, this is your first big case! I just don’t want you getting hurt and for it to be my fault!” Ghost yelled.

“Well, all the more reason to come along,” Toast reasoned, remaining calm. “I want to make sure you don’t get hurt, or worse, on this dangerous case. I am the eldest after all.”

“I’m still in charge!” Ghost reminded. Toast chuckled but Ghost’s jaw tensed, pointedly staring out the window as he drove.

“Are you alright, sir?” Toast asked.

“I’m fine,” Ghost brushed off. “The pressure of this case must be getting to me, that’s all.”

“Well, maybe some music will help relax you, sir?” Toast suggested. He turned on the radio and the Pierces “Secret” played.

“If I show you then I know you won’t tell what I said

‘Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead,”

Ghost panicked and scrambled for the radio, violently swerving in the process and turned the radio off with much more force than necessary. Toast hung on to his seat for dear life as Ghost stopped the van from going in a ditch and righted himself on the road.

“Sir! What in God’s name was that?!” Toast yelled. Ghost was sweating and shaking slightly. He blinked a few times and shakily said,

“I-It’s nothing. I just really h-hate that song, ya know?” He fake laughed.

“Sir, are you sure you should be on this case?”

“It’s fine, It’s fine now. I’m fine now.” Ghost assured. “Let’s just finish this.” The van continued down the road, away from the sun and towards the moon and the darkness that held it.

Three hours later, with the moon high in the dark sky, the P.I.E. van pulled up next to an alley. The duo got out of their van, picked up a bag of equipment, readied their pistols, and entered the darkened alleyway. About half way through there was a manhole near a dumpster, Toast pulled out a crowbar and lifted the cover, Ghost climbed in first and Toast followed. Instead of a musty sewer with neglected pipes lining the walls, there was a clean, cement hallway with a seemingly new wooden door a few feet away. The two cautiously approached the door and Ghost swiftly opened it. They rushed inside, pistols ready, and quickly inspected the supposed Toilet Toucher’s lair. In the corner to their right was a toilet, which was to be expected. In the corner to their left was a simple wooden table with three chairs around it. In the back, right corner was a old fridge and a telephone on the wall. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all cement and a single lamp hung from the center of the ceiling. Aside from a few pieces of crumpled up newspaper littering the floor, the room was otherwise empty.

“This place is pretty bare for a paranormal entity, Johnny.” Ghost remarked.

“But, I suppose it is fitting for a fugitive, Sir.” Toast responded. Ghost went over by the table to investigate the newspaper on the floor and Toast started looking around the kitchen. Suddenly, the toilet in the corner started shaking and a balding man in a lab coat sprung out, landing just a few feet from Toast. He quickly realized what was happening and threw Toast into the fridge with more force than a man his age should have been able to.

“Toilet Toucher!” Ghost yelled, aiming his pistol. He dodged Ghost’s shots and flicked his hand, throwing the table at Ghost’s head. The table cracked in half and Ghost fell to the ground. He slowly pushed himself up with a strange look in his eyes. He felt where the table hit his head and blood trickled over his fingers. When he looked at the blood, he started laughing.

“I-Is that m-my blood?” He said in a high pitched voice. The Toilet Toucher threw his hand down and Ghost’s head smashed into the floor, this time not getting up. The toilet toucher was startled by a bullet hitting his right arm, coming from the gun of Johnny Toast. In two leaps, the Toilet Toucher was inches from Toast, and he grabbed his throat and threw him into the wall. He threw Toast’s head into the wall again and Johnny slid down, awake but in too much pain to stand yet. The Toilet Toucher then raced back to his toilet, dived into the bowl, and once he was gone, it exploded, porcelain shards were thrown everywhere and a small fountain of water sprung from the now useless pipe. Toast groaned and rubbed his head. He blinked a few times and was surprised to find he wasn’t concussed. He got to his feet and ran over to his unconscious partner. He rolled Ghost over onto his back and shook his shoulders.

“Sir! Sir, wake up, please! Sir!” He begged, and his pleas were answered. His partner blinked his eyes open and groaned.

“Ow, ow, ow. My head, that wasn’t fun.” He complained in a strange voice.

“Sir! Oh thank God, I was worried there!” Toast exclaimed. “I’m afraid I have some bad news, sir.”

“Oh?” Ghost asked, smiling.

“I’m afraid the Toilet Toucher got away, sir.” Toast informed. Ghost chuckled and said,

“Oh, that’s fine! Thats just dandy, Toaster! Because I’ve got something I need to ask you.”

“What is it, sir?”

“Do you wanna know my secret?!” Then, out of nowhere, Ghost grabbed Toast by the collar and slammed his fist into his jaw, knocking him out instantly.

To be continued...