Fan: Back In the Day

"This is the life..." Gertrude, the red-haired wife of a gruff, balding husband said gloomily. Papa Acachalla was his name. When she married him, she thought that they would be spending their days in a fancy surburban household, raising beautiful children, drinking cocktails on a leather couch.

And what was this dream-filled woman doing?

Spending her day in a slighty fancy household in the middle of nowhere, raising-or telling to sit quietly and eat their peas-two grown 'children', Billy and Sally Acachalla, drinking a sludge of some sort. While her husband was enjoying bottles and bottles on end of fancy bottled rootbeer...Somewhere. He had a secret living room somewhere in the house, though nobody could seem to find it. Gertrude, who was sitting quietly eating some day-old Little Ceasers pizza, was trying to calm down Sally, who had some how managed to get a waffle half way accross the breakfast room. Gertrude put down her slice of pizza. "I think I'm going to bed," she said. She heard Sally say goodnight, and Billy already chomping down her slice of pizza. As she walked through the syrup covered hallways of the Acachalla's house, she heard some cheering coming from somewhere near the walls. Gertrude looked around for the source of the noise, until she remembered that the secret living room was somewhere near the hallway. That man should come out and get into bed with me Gertrude thought. ''I'm pretty sure he sleeps in a fancy bed in that blasted room, a home not-so-far-away from OUR home. ''She kept on walking to the bedroom, looking at the family portraits as she sulked on.

As she threw off her lime green sweater, waxed her crowbar, and got into suitable attire for sleep, she pulled up the covers of the linen bed. How could tomorrow be better than today?

-

The beeping sound of her alarm awakening her, Gertrude rose out of the bed, sun shining through the windows of the bedroom. She stretched, put on some old jeans and her sweater, and opened the door of the bedroom. Instantly, she heard the laughing of Sally eating her beloved breakfast food, Billy running around the table, hyper on Froot Loops, and Papa Acachalla sitting at the counter of the kitchen, drinking a large cup of black coffee. Gertrude sat down at the breakfast table. "Morning, Acachallas! I see you didn't bother eating the french toast I made for breakfast" she said. Papa sat down his mug and looked up and Gertrude. "Oh, don't worry Gertrude, I put dem things to good work," he told her, patting his large midsection. Gertrude snorted "Guess I'll skip my french toast....Again". Papa walked over to the coffee pot, refilling the cup. He looked over his shoulder, "I suppose you want to walk Billy and Sally to the mall again?" he asked. Gertrude shook her head "For the last time, we live in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! We don't HAVE a mall! I told you that 300 times since we married..." she reminded him. He froze, "Oh yeah".

Sally put down her fork, burped, and looked at Gertrude. "Mama Gertrude, you and Papa are MARRIED?" she said, astonished. Billy giggled. "Of course, Sally! That's why they're here!" he said. Sally nodded her head. "Okay!" she looked over at Gertrude. "But how....How did you....Why are WE here?" She asked. Gertrude and Papa froze. They looked at eachother, having an eyeball conversation

Papa's eyes spoke up first. I think she means how they got here.

Gertrude's eyes shook their heads. Well, of course!

Should we make up the fireplace story again, from when they were 18?

No, Acachalla, we should tell them the truth.

''The truth is, Gertrude...Well...Umm...There is no truth. We just found them!''

We?

"They sure are looking at each other for a loooooooooooong time!" Sally whispered to Billy. Billy leaned in, "That means they're in love! And that means we know why WE'RE here...Ha!" he said. Gertrude and Papa snapped out of their eye-gase. "WHAT??" they both exclaimed at the same time. Billy giggled. "I know how we came here!" he said. Papa went over to Billy, grabbing his shoulders. "Where did you hear it, Billy? And are you SURE you know?" he asked. Sally, looking puzzled, nodded her head slightly. "Yeah, Billy Acachalla, don't keep secrets!" she said. Billy climbed up on top of a chair. "Fine! I'll tell you!"

"That's a really nice story, Billy, but I have to say something. Sally didn't come from the egg of a waffle bird. And Papa didn't eat a magical brussel sprout to find me!" Gertrude told Billy. He sulked down from the chair. Sally sat back down, having just reloaded her plate with fresh Eggo waffles. "Yeah, Billy, that's silly! Papa won't even go NEAR a brussel sprout!" Sally laughed. Papa gave sally a dirty look. Gertrude sat down, with a mug of warm tea in hand. She looked at Papa. "They can wait, honey" she smiled. Papa nodded. Sally, swallowing a large mouthful of waffle, spoke up. "But, if that's not the REAL story, and you won't TELL us yet, why don't you at least tell us how you met?" She said. Billy perked up, "Yeah, Papa and Mama, yeah!" he chimed. Gertrude snorted. "And what a story it is...." she said, glacing at Papa. He shook his head "Oh no. Your turn, woman!" he told her. She shrugged. "Fine." she said. She cleared her throat. "Back in the day....."

--

And the story will continue! ~Jack